Morning Madness

Why do I go grocery shopping on a Saturday morning with two children? Why? Why? WHY??? Because like a million other busy moms and dads out there, that's the only time I can go. There are a few times during the week when I can go while the kids are in school, and that is a much better idea. But some weeks my schedule is so super packed that I just can't get there until Saturday morning. So it was this week. We sleep in a bit, then get ready for the big trip. First is the list. Gotta make a list, and HRV wants to help. Followed by 437 cries of, "Mom, how do you spell...." Followed by 241 screw ups, erasings, and bouts of tears and woe - feelings of worthlessness and failure because at 5 years old, she can't remember how to spell "French roast coffee." And we haven't even left the house yet. Here's how the rest of the WalMart morning went:

Get shoes on. No, wait, we can't find socks. Rummage through the clean laundry pile, find socks. NOW get shoes on. No, not those shoes - they are roller skates. Regular shoes, please.

Go potty. I know you just went, please go again - I'm not stopping to go pee in the middle of our shopping. Go potty. Go potty. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, STOP ARGUING AND GO POTTY!!

Where's my purse? Has anyone seen my purse? Okay, got it. Get in the car. Wait. Where's my cell phone? Has anyone seen my phone? Hold on, let me call it... Okay, got it. Get in the car. Get in the car. Please get in the car. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP FIGHTING AND GET IN THE CAR!!!!!

Okay, we're all in the car, buckled up, and off we go. I left the list on the coffee table. *anger building*

Remembering that one should never shop while hungry, I dutifully swing through McDonald's on the way. Breakfast for the kids, I am wise and choose only an Egg McMuffin and black coffee. I throw the hash brown that came with it in the trash before it can tempt me. *Victory!!* Then... Let go of your brother's milk! Let go! Do NOT hit her for touching your milk! No! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, IF YOU TOUCH HIS MILK AGAIN YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!! Man, I sure do love that Pete...

Finally at WalMart, the trip is punctuated with side trips, turn arounds, going back to get what I forgot - if only there were a blog that could help me get organized... hmmmm .... click here.... See now, if I had brought my list this wouldn't be happening. *anger increasing*

I have gifts to buy - one birthday, three teacher appreciation, and seven graduation - stuff for lunches, stuff for dinners, the all important breakfast, and don't forget wiper blades for my car, brake light bulbs for C-man's car, shampoo, and of course, all the wrapping paper and cards.

Phew. I'm finally done, and I even managed to stick to healthy foods for everyone. Perhaps my mind was kept off of food by the fact that I was shrieking non-stop. "Put that down! No! Get over here! No! We don't need that! No! Get off of that! No! It's not a jungle gym! Don't touch her! Don't touch him! No! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE IF I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ONE MORE TIME ABOUT ONE MORE THING YOU'RE BOTH GROUNDED FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND!"

We're finally at the check out lane and by now I'm steaming mad with a killer headache and swearing that I will NEVER go to WalMart with my children again. I pay the bill - cringing while I swipe my card and wondering if my chest pains are the result of the children or the final total - and then we're back in the car. Now it's almost noon and I've made it home pretty much in one piece. I'm excited that I didn't give in to the desire to eat at Waffle House, even more excited to make some hummus for my afternoon snack, and I'm looking forward to the challenge of making it through a whole weekend without completely blowing my new found life of health and happiness. Now if I can just avoid the store for a couple of days, maybe my sanity will return. I know it's out there somewhere....