A slow morning

I'm having a hard time getting going this morning. I was up at 5am, the usual time, but it's already 5:30 and I'm still at the computer just in a daze. I've neglected my classwork this morning in order to read more - yes, MORE - about the dreaded swine flu. We've been cleaning like mad at the preschool, but still... any kind of flu worries me, seeing how kids are coughing in my face on a regular basis. One time a couple of weeks back a kid even spit right into my mouth. That was pretty gross, but man, I love that boy - he makes me super happy every time I see him. Okay, so now I'm rambling. Back to the flu... The weirdest part of my paranoia is that in my mind I'm thinking, "Oh, crap - if I die from the swine flu, they'll see what a mess my house is! I'm probably more susceptible to it because I am living in a pig sty!!" I'm actually thinking about cleaning my house really well so that in the 1 in a million chance I were to die nobody would see my pile of unorganized paperwork shoved in my dresser drawer. True - I literally have one full dresser drawer of paperwork, most of which could be thrown out, but I never go through it because I find it almost impossible to do anything productive in a room that contains an inviting bed. I go in with good intentions and end up taking a nap every time. *Sigh* My husband is so sweet about it - he frequently picks up and does dishes, and every time I say anything about not getting the housework done he says, "Don't worry, it'll all be here tomorrow. We can do it then!" Except he seems to forget that not only will the current mess be there, but a whole 'nother day's mess will be surrounding it, on top of it, mixed up with it. It's slowly driving me nuts!! I wish I knew someone I could pay to come in and just help me muck out. I used to have a friend I wold pay $20 for a couple of hours of hard core cleaning help, but she's working full time now and can't do that anymore. I'm just going to have to get off my behind and do a deep clean this weekend. Maybe the extra exercise will help whip me into shape! Come on, heavy sweeping and mopping has got to be worth a pound or two, right???? To say nothing of scrubbing the tub! I'll let you all know how this great plan works out...

Pecan Roll Resistence!!!

It's been another busy day, but very productive. See? Wednesdays are just better than Tuesdays, period. I attended a CE meeting this morning where we learned all about facebook, Twitter, bloggin and the like. How cool that I jsut started this and now I was able to go to a meeting and say, "Oh, yeah, I'm a blogger..." as if I knew what I was doing! But the best part of the meeting was my ability to pass up the breakfast foods. I had a nice plate of mixed fruit - very yummy - but there were baskets of sausage biscuits (super yum!) and some treats from Panera Bread, including a pecan roll that Jenny said was awesome. When someone else was going to take a bite, Jenny said, "Giddy up!!" and I almost caved. But no, I remanined strong!! As an aside, Jenny is one of those women who is teeny tiny and drop dead gorgeous, but she's so sweet and loving and awesome that you just can't hate her for being so beautiful! So I passed on the pecan roll and am feeling quite pleased with myself. I am going to continue in my prayers for God's help in all things, but especially my journey to better health - and a good pair of skinny jeans!

Tuesdays

I hate Tuesdays. I really do. Mondays I kinda like - I'm rested from the weekend, I'm ready to start a new week, the kids' things are all ready to go ... it's nice. But Tuesdays? Ugh. Today was one of those typical Tuesdays - I've gotten up at 5am, it's now 9pm. I've run around all day - going here, going there, meeting in the morning, meeting in the afternoon... and yet I feel as though I've accomplished absolutely nothing. And for some reason, annoying things always happen on Tuesday. I had a *delightful* conversation with a mean, narrow minded racist (she's now tops on my prayer list - I find it much harder to punch someone when I've been praying for God to touch their hearts), I had one of my most embarrassing flaws pointed out, albeit quite nicely (the truth hurts, it really does). And I usually eat to calm myself down when I'm upset. Why that is I do not know, but there have been plenty of times I've been upset and grabbed some terribly fattening and nutritionally deficit food and consciously said, "I'll eat until I feel calm again." Weird, eh? Sooooo not normal, I know. But ultimately, despite today's ... Tuesdayness... I ate really well. A few almonds for breakfast, a large chef salad for lunch (with vinegar and olive oil instead of bottled dressing), carrots for an afternoon snack, and a Lean Cuisine for dinner. By the way, carrots do not calm me. Not even a little bit. So now I can't wait to weigh tomorrow!! Have I mentioned that I am obsessed with the weigh in? I know, I know - that's a whole 'nother post. Maybe tomorrow ... it'll be Wednesday - things are already looking up!

Exercising

I'm not a big exerciser. But I am very active in the daily stuff - I stand a lot, walk around incessantly, go back and forth to the playground, chase a few kids, play ball in the yard ... one man in church once told me, "With all that running around you do you'd think you'd be skinnier!" Nice, eh? I'm sure he meant it in the sweetest way possible, but he's right: with all the running around I do, why aren't I skinnier?

I just can't stand to "work out." The programmed, follow this for 30 minutes, use weights, get those endorphins pumping ... hate it. For a while I was walking at 5:00 every morning, but then it got cold, then it rained, and now I'm having to be at work at 6:50, so at 5 I'm in the shower getting ready for the day. I just can't seem to get motivated to do some aerobic exercise, even though I know it would make a huge difference. I love to watch those "get-in-shape-in-eight-weeks" shows - Bulging Brides, National Challenge - my favorite is The Biggest Loser!! I dream of the day when a trainer will come to my door and force me to work out and work hard until inches just magically slide right off... Everyone tells me I'm not fat enough to go on The Biggest Loser, but I'm thinking if I ate like a pig for a few weeks and packed on another 50 pounds, I could go on the show, lose the 50 PLUS the extra junk in my trunk I already have! Yeah, Craig is SOOOO not on board with that plan. Plus I can't afford to leave my job. How do those people do it??? How can they go on TBL for months and still survive financially? There's gotta be a trick I don't know about...

I'm hungry!!

I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry hungry hungry!! Okay, so that's not entirely true. I'm not that hungry - I just want to eat. I wanna sandwich!! Oh, how I love sandwiches! When I die, I want to be buried between two large slices of bread. Seriously, that's how much I love sandwiches. Sweets I could take or leave - cakes and cookies and such I really don't care much about. But anything salty - chips, crackers, pretzels - or anything meaty - hot dogs, hamburgers, sandwiches - oh, Lord, I could eat all night. And I usually do - night time eating is my worst habit. I'll bet I pack in 3/4 of my daily calories between 9pm and 4am. I'll start perusing the fridge around 9 and eat a few things before bed. Then I'm back up before I even fall asleep to eat a couple more things. Then at 1am, 2am, 3am, I get out of bed and snack - a few crackers here, a half a sandwich there ... geez, it's really bad. If I could just NOT EAT between dinner and breakfast I'd have it made. But it's a nightly struggle.... when 5am rolls around I'll see if I've made it without snacking. Okay, now I really am hungry. Stomach growling and all. Maybe if I just go to bed, I will lose a pound by morning (by the way, I am OBSESSED with weighing myself. But that's another post altogether). But I gotta do the dishes. And King of Queens is on- - gotta watch that, I love that show. Tonight is the one where Carrie wears her hair in a bun and Doug hates it. Lol - so funny!! Maybe I'll stand up and do some weights while I watch... yeah that'll work. Okay, gotta go. As always, pray for me!!

Did you bring your lunch?

That's always the question of the day around here. I work with an amazingly awesome lady - MC - who is beautiful and looks amazing, too. She's very slender and works her butt off (literally) as a waitress a few evenings each week. So everyday one of us will ask, "So, did you bring your lunch?" Followed by a lengthy discussion of where to eat, what to eat, how much to eat.... Ugh. It about kills me every day. But we're trying to get better about bringing our lunches - the money alone is reason enough! Today I got a veggie sub on whole wheat and I added my own tuna to it - made with a tiny bit of olive oil and NO MAYO (mayonaise is my Kryptonite. I love Hellmans - it's so creamy and delicious... Mmmmmm, mayo....). So today I'm feeling pretty good about my choices. For breakfast I had plain yogurt with Grape Nuts and 2 teaspoons of all natural peanut butter. I'm buying into the thoery that if you eat good fats - olive oil, peanut butter, avacado, nuts - that your body will release belly fat. We'll see if this theory is correct. I've tested it before, but apparently healthy fats mixed with cheeseburgers, fries, chips, and hot dogs doesn't make your body release anything. Except some gas, maybe. So here I go again, a few pounds up and I'm once again determined to get some of this fat off of me. Pray for my strength!! Not to mention my will to exercise!! I'll post about exercising next, I think. Working out - the bane of my existence...

Why I'm here...

Okay, after months of debating, I finally have decided to start my own blog. There are a lot of topics I could write about, but since the main obsession in my life is losing weight - and failing miserably at it - I've decided to cronicle my attempts to lose my baby weight. Of course, my baby is now almost 6, so I really should stop using that as my excuse...

I chose the title "Swallowed By a Fat Girl" becasue "Skinny on the Inside" was already taken. But they're both about the same - I forget that I'm fat becasue I still feel like a skinny girl. And I know that this is because the person that I am does not depend on the type of body that I have, so me - the real me - is the same whether I'm skinny or fat. But I sure would like to be skinny again. *Sigh*

But anyway, here I am, following my good friend and WONDERFUL blogger (I'll post her blog so you can love her, too!). We'll see how this goes - I'm giving myself one month of blogging before I post my weight or my size in the hopes that I can lose a little bit before I have to post it. Isn't taht where I always am - putting things off in the hopes I can "lose a little weight first?" Thanks for reading - please leave comments!!