The Blackberry Cobbler Adventure

Have you ever made blackberry cobbler? Me neither. But when the C-man told me that we have a ton of bushes in our back woods I thought, "Cool! I can make blackberry cobbler!" Right. Why do I think I can do these things?

I grew up in Maine, where blueberries are the berry to pick. They grow on cute little bushes and you can go along picking and eating blueberries just as easy as pie. Or cobbler. Ah, delightful! But blackberries, I found out ... not so easy.

My first foray into the woods I wore regular clothes, including flip flops. Yes, my Southern friends, I can hear you laughing. The first problem was the mud. My flip flops got sucked in twice, but that's okay - pluck them out and move on. The next issue were the branches of the blackberry bushes. Did you know they can move? Oh, yes, it's true! Like something out of The Wizard of Oz, these branches grabbed me and stuck to my skin! Ouch! As I was extracting myself I stepped into a huge pile of ants. Fire ants. The kind that wait to bite until there are a thousand of those little buggers all over you. So, I'm all caught up in thorns, getting bitten by a million ants - did I say a thousand? I'm sure it was a million. I shriek a few times, then go back into the mud, hoping the mud will kill those fu - - uh, those little creatures of God. Now my flip flops are stuck again. For those of you who don't know me, I hate to admit defeat. Tell me I can't do something and it's on like Donkey Kong. Back into the house I go...

I emerge wearing jeans tucked into socks with sneakers. Also a long sleeve shirt. And I am carrying a machete. Yes, we own a machete. Don't ask. I traipse out to the thicket - really more like a jungle - and start hacking away. Along my travels I spy a couple of spiders I can't identify and I hear the constant buzzing of some strange, flying bug. My mind wanders back to the Native Americans, and I think about how their lives were - walking through the woods, no jeans, no sneakers - no house with air conditioning, no blackberry cobbler in the frozen section at the local WalMart. Coming across a thicket of berries must have been wonderful - it meant food, liquid, refreshment ... maybe even life itself. This makes me even more determined. I keep chopping away at the underbrush until finally I get to the berries. I pick about two cups until I am driven away by the mosquitoes. At least, I think they were mosquitoes. They could have been a couple of errant Navy planes off track from Barrin Field. I think I saw one of them carrying off a small dog. But I only need two cups for my cobbler, so I head inside. My arms are covered in scratches, my feel are burning with ant bites, I am sweaty and disheveled. This had better be the best blackberry cobbler I have ever tasted. Sadly, because of the Pray 'N Weigh, I will only have the smallest of pieces. *Sigh* The things I do for my family...